It was interesting reading this chapter while here at work as I still am. I have down time at work due to the hours and markets I serve, where I am allowed to read, internet browse, listen to music, facebook etc. but am not allowed to watch tv shows or movies, something that used to be allowed. I am having a hard time dealing with this, as I see it, punitive restriction. This new restriction has been handed down over a month ago and I am still bucking against it. If it doesn't make sense to me, I don't want to follow it. If I can still do my job the same as I did before when I had these liberties then why now am I to understand these new restrictions that make work less enjoyable and more likely to play hooky from. As Mill says, "Individual freedom is what makes life worth living, and society should back off to let it breathe" (77)
I agree with this statement. I have always wanted, craved and needed more freedom than I felt I had. I felt very controlled as a child and teenager. I had an English teacher who was a former student of Dad's tell him at a party they were both attending that he needs to stop trying to control me. That I needed to be free to be me. I remember as a teen escaping out my window in the middle of a summer night and running down the streets on peoples lawns to Kiwanis Park to meet my friends. I felt so alive and free at that moment, running in my bare feet on the wet lawns of summer escaping the captivity of my home life. It was exhilarating and empowering. I think this need for "freedom" as I understand it has caused some problems for me in adulthood. I have issues with authority. I can do my job and follow the rules for the most part but when the rules go against logic and also impinge on my "freedoms" then I have a problem. I want to sneak and watch my shows whenever I feel "safe" to do so but always making sure to be careful to not get caught. This causes anxiety and stress of which is the opposite of happiness and the harm of which is mentioned by Smith: "for individual liberty doesn't actually work without it's sister concept harm". The irony here with my so-called freedom and "hookiness" is that the one I am harming is myself. The author is talking of harming others but here in my case it is myself that I harm trying to have more freedom at work. And if I were to get caught I could lose my job harming myself even more. It is quite frustrating to realize this especially since I am not harming anyone else in this process, so why can't I just be given this freedom?
I want to end in saying that freedom is a double edged sword. It is like the difference between a world governed by laws and one of anarchy. I was telling Dad the other day that I would enjoy some anarchy in the world. When I say that, I am only meaning that I would enjoy some freedom from laws to do whatever I liked. To speed as fast as I dared to go. To watch tv and movies at work. To run a red light if it was safe to do so. To run around naked if I felt so inclined. I wouldn't be doing things that endangered others but where do you draw the line? And how long would that joy last? Not long at all, I think. Freedom is enjoyed because we don't take it for granted. If I had all the money in the world and had no responsibilities what would freedom really mean? As humans we need some kind of purpose and responsibility to feel happy, at least I believe so. I want to be making a difference for the good in the world, not that I am currently doing that but this is what I aspire to. And as Smith says, freedom is subjective, "the sphere of freedom is not the market but the mind".
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