Chapter 2 "Getting Ready"

Kristin:

Smith mentions this process as "collecting yourself both to experience and not to experience the day ahead" (16). I found this to be so true for me and my year of growing pains. I would wake and get ready with the idea that I'm going to be an offensive player, no matter what (I would classify this as wanting to experience the day). Then, there are days when I wake up and think, "ok, here we go". This approach is a more defensive one where I merely survive. Teachers go through phases and unfortunately I was stuck in the 'survival' phase for too long. Perhaps I'm still there, but at least I'm enjoying what I do. Let's just say that the Boston winter killed me. And like Smith says, I could only plan so much for the winter until it became an unpredictable beast I cowered in front of. The book is reinforcing the idea that life is full of paradoxes, something I was aware of but only speculated on in conversations. It's nice to know that I'm not alone out there and that it's ok to feel so torn in two separate directions (being defensive and offensive almost simultaneously).  

So, what can we do about waking up and then getting ready? How is it possible to be more offensive? It reminds me of this Youtube video that I’m going to include here. I watched it a lot in London and I still think of it. My Muslim friend Sanda and I would have deep religious conversations and we would often come back to this talk by Baz Luhrman (this guy rocks: Annie and Tara know), "wear sunscreen". I think what impressed the most was the line that says, "Do something everyday that scares you". I feel as though it has become my motto without my having forced it. It seems as though I have lived my life in a way that always leaves me wondering to myself: 'What the hell was I thinking?" Honestly, why do I do the things I do? Why did I wake and get ready to live this transitory life that challenges me in ways that hurt? There are times when the pain leads to joy and those moments are rapturous. But still, if any of you have any insight into why I am the way I am, I'm still trying to figure it out. I was talking to a friend who mentioned that I never do things the 'easy' way. "You've always been like this," she said. Go figure. 
I like this, "We may be God's children, but we've got to be licensed as adult, with genuine choices and decisions to make". So, if you ever hear me complain, remind me of this. I have made choices and I am experiencing humanness in all its forms, as we all are. Kristin

Tara:

There is a radio lab podcast called "Limits" that I told Annie about that reminds me of Kristin's quote, "Do something everyday that scares you." We have so much more potential than we can comprehend. The power of our minds, spirit and intellect are without limits but we can only find that out by exposing ourselves to pain and fear, by doing things that scare us. Check it out. It's life changing.

Kristin:
So, I'm totally addicted to podcasts lately and radiolab is one of my favorites. Spencer introduced me to it. Thanks Tara for the suggestion. If you want to hear about a tranny mayor in the Northwest check out the New Normal on radiolab from last year. It's irrelevant to our discussion but it's interesting to see how normalcy is being redefined.

Jon:
Dear Kristin,    You've given this chapter some insightful glosses. It's exhilarating to read your gut reactions. For me it's a rare look into your struggles and soul-full experiments with doing things the hard way. It made me wonder if I chose the harder path, like when I realized that I might have been happier teaching at a small, liberal arts college than trying to juggle heavy teaching loads and onerous publication expectations my whole professional life. In retrospect, I think I did the right thing, because of the joy of teaching good students (morally and intellectually) and having the chance to connect my deepest religious convictions to my academic field was what gave me the greatest fulfillment in my professional life.